My Explanation-In Defense of Me.

What can I say? These past few months have not been what I’d been hoping for. I love my classes, friends, and the feeling of being the oldest in the school. I love being the leader for all of my freshman and sophomore friends. There is one thing; however, that has been weighing on my happiness: the way I have been treated throughout the school for being a cheerleader. I became a cheerleader my junior year to make the change I so desperately needed in my life. Every second of the cheer seasons last yearI loved. I was part of something amazing. The student section wasn’t always the most supportive, and yes, it’s true, the poster wars we had with the stats did turn into full-out catfights, but at the end of the year we all came together and celebrated an almost miner victory. This year most of the student section agreed to be more supportive and the stats and cheerleaders hugged it out. I thought we were on track to an incredible year. Something happened though. If you’re curious with what went wrong I encourage you to keep reading.

1. The beginning of football season started like any other, stressful. Learning a new school song routine, hello-cheer, and floor cheers isn’t the easiest thing to do. It takes creativity and a nice calm, “CRASH!” wait...what was that? Oh. I just got hit in the head with a basketball. Who did that? My coach’s kid. Let’s face it; it’s hard to practice with five children running all over the place. Hopefully our coach will get here soon. Maybe then we can stretch in peace.We can’t practice without a coach being there consistently to support us and focus on our improvement.

2. We had two cheer captains that the other three girls were never made aware of. Ever heard of a power struggle? Yeah..I feel like I don’t have to explain that any more.

3. Having to work concessions, fundraise, make posters, get a sports physical, practice, and show up to games are some of the tasks we had to do. This is what I like to call a double standard. The school seems to think we are a club and a sport. Still not sure how that works…

4. Our high school administration did not even once clap or shout with our crowd cheers. I know this for a fact. Every game I would watch them. They paid no attention to us, or blankly starred at us. Thanks for the support.

5. We can no longer find you guys a coach, so we have to cut the program. No one wants to deal with you cheerleaders and the coach has to be part of the school system. For everyone’s information, last year the girls head basketball coach wasn’t part of the Beulah School Staff. The dance coach also isn't part of the school system.

6. The five of us girls were not perfect, but the way cheer was handled, set us up for failure. Mistakes were clearly made and priorities were not where they should have been.

Near the end of football season, we were told by the athletic director that our squad looked like a joke and there was no point of us cheering for basketball season if only two girls consistently showed up. We just make the school look bad. Showing up to a game, the next day, with that mentality is detrimental. The crowd and a few students would tell us how bad we looked and pointed out all our flaws. This went to my head quite quickly. Being constantly bullied by everyone is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to deal with in my life. That’s the only reason I left the football field that day. I was being bullied, and honestly I still am.

But leaving the field that day was the worst decision of my life. Everyday someone will bring it up. People try to blame it on my coach or another cheerleader. Even though I was also being put down by them, they aren’t the reason why I left. I never give anyone a definite answer to that question. I have never once talked bad about my coach or another teammate to any other student or faculty member. I am aware however of the rumor that I am trash talking these individuals, this rumor is not true. I am ending that right now.

The way the cheer program has been handled is completely unacceptable. We are not treated fairly or are given the opportunities to succeed. We have zero support.

The way I have been treated these past two weeks is what really hurts me. My coach never asked why I left the field that day. She still doesn’t know to this day. I got a twenty minute lecture yesterday about how the cheerleaders are full of drama, and we don’t deserve a basketball cheer team. We were told the administration doesn’t care about the little cheerleaders and we need to immediately stop talking to them about it. We are just annoying them. Every day I feel attacked by students and faculty about my decision to cheer and my decision to walk off the field. I am being treated differently. Every day I am being bullied, and I have kept it on the inside for too long. It has gone too far in these past weeks. I no longer want to attend school. I’ve had enough. I’m not asking for an apology. I am just asking for everyone to back off. Enough is enough.

Just Think.

I figure one thing out, and then another unknown comes flying my way.  I finally have realized this is how life works. What should I eat? Who should I be friends with? What should I be when I grow up? Is this really a good idea? Decisions, decisions, decisions…

My mind is constantly in panic because of all these choices! I’ve had a constant headache for the past two weeks because I think way too much about everything. It doesn’t matter if it’s a big decisions or a small one. I always wonder, “How will this affect me later in life?” I want to do the right thing, but I don’t know what the right thing is. The last thing I want to do is be filled with regret, but I don’t want to miss out on opportunities because I’m too busy weighing the pros and the cons.

My gut, head, and heart always pull me in different directions. Lately every single decision I make seems like the wrong one. No matter what I say or do, my friends, family, neighbors, coworkers, coach, or boss will be unhappy with me I’m sick of it. I should be making decisions based on what I want to do and what I believe is best.  I need to find the balance of over thinking and not thinking at all. I have a brain, and I trust it. Hopefully people can learn to trust me.

 

16 Lessons

            There are only 16 days left before the school year of 2012-2013 is over. Only 16 days left of calling myself a junior.

            This year is a perfect example of how time flies. I have learned and experienced hundreds of lessons that will impact me for the rest of my life. Not everything has gone exactly according to plan, but looking back I wouldn’t change a thing.

            The biggest lesson I learned this year is that things won’t always be perfect. The best example I have is, 8 months ago my best friend moved away. This was one of the hardest transitions I ever had to go through. I quickly learned that things won’t be how they used to be.  With different time zones, new friends, and busy schedules, people grow apart and long distance relationships (of all kinds) take more work than I am usually willing to put into them. Other relationships are worth the work.

            I made a major change in my life when I joined the Beulah High School Cheer Team. Celebrating victory and victory again was incredible. Getting to know the football and basketball team and learning how determined and dedicated these guys were, inspired me to never give up until it truly is over. I’ll never forget all of the joy, memories, and tears I’ve shared with these people.

            As I turned 17, I learned what it means to be a true friend and how easy it is to make a difference in someone’s life. I took chances, like letting a complete stranger move in with me and opening myself up to different friends. Through this I have gained not one, but two new best friends. Others have taught me exactly what I don’t want to be.

            I know these aren’t all the important things that have happened to me, but they are the stories that have stuck out to me the most. My junior year has taught me to watch what I say. It’s easier to learn through other people’s stories than your own, and its okay to let go sometimes. Doing stupid things is part of high school. I know when my senior year comes, I will make a thousand more mistakes. I’m okay with that though. I’ll just add it to my list of 16 lessons and keep on moving on with life. 

The Typical Crazy Stressful Busy Working Teenage Life

“Ring, Ring, Ring”

I can’t be late today. I just can’t, not again. I run out of the school doors straight for the parking lot. I have no choice but to ignore my friends’ waves of goodbye. I drive straight to Tesoro.  Sprinting to the bathroom I pull on my black pants and visor. I’m ready and it’s only… 3:35. Of course, I’m late. I ignore the glares of the day ladies as I walk into the tiny back of Subway and punch in.

Not only am I late, but I’m also hungry. No, more like starving. There is no chance that I will ever get to eat until the supper rush is over. Sometimes I don’t even get a break at all. I guess stealing pickles from the bane will have to suffice for now. The hours go by 4,5,6,7. Seriously! Does everybody have to eat at Subway today? There has been a line out the door for three hours! I feel like a robot.

“What can I get for you?” What kind of cheese?” “Would you like the works?

 I have all these phrases memorized. I know how to make every sub by heart. This job isn’t hard, but I just want to go home.

 I can’t stop thinking about the assignment that is due at 11:00 p.m. I need to submit it on time. My grade cannot go down. It’s now 9 p.m., then 10. How am I going to study for the history test and get all my algebra done? Finally, 10:30, closing time.  I’m leaving. I speed home to turn in my online assignment at 10:59. What a relief!  Now time to study and teach myself Algebra. At last 1 o’clock a.m…time for bed. I can’t wait to wake up and do it all over again tomorrow.

Foreign Exchange

Ever since I was a freshman in high school, my sisters have abandoned me for the college life. I have been left in Beulah as an only child. I did not like being alone. The house was too quiet and I had no one to help me with Algebra. Something must be done. Then came my first encounter a foreign exchange student. A girl from Thailand needed a home and I needed a new sister. Bingo! I just solved my problem! A girl named Bam moved in with us, and although we were completely different and two years apart, we were best friends. I was devastated when Bam moved away at the end of the school year. I was an only child again. I completed my sophomore year by myself, feeling like something was missing.

This year, I had my second encounter with the foreign exchange student program. Again, a girl from Germany needed a new family and I quickly offered to be her host sister. It took some convincing, but my parents finally agreed to become a host family again. As soon as Emy walked in the door, I knew we would get along great. As the news reporter said, “We connected faster than magnets.” Emy and I are practically the same person from different countries. We are always laughing and having an awesome time. She has become my best friend.

Being a host sister can be a lot of work. It can be a lot of pressure knowing that it is up to me if they have a positive or negative experience in America. But I know the pros outweigh the cons. I have grown as a person from hosting two foreign exchange students. I have a better sense of culture and have made a difference in two girl’s lives. I will never regret my decision to share my family and my high school years. I have gained two amazing friends! If anyone is thinking of hosting a foreign exchange student I would definitely recommend it.  It is an amazing opportunity that I wouldn’t change for the world!

Kitty

Here furry! Come Furball! Stinky! Sassafras! Come here already! Kitty! She looks up from her designated pillow, lets out a quiet, “Meow”, then goes back to sleep.

My 12 year old cat, named Kitty is the cutest, fattest, and laziest cat on planet earth. Her day consists of sleeping, eating, laying in the sun, begging for food, and then sleeping even more. She absolutely hates being brushed and I’m still trying to recover from the traumatic experience of trying to give her a bath! She is constantly trying to lick my fingers, but just ends up biting them. She is so old that she is barely able to jump up unto her chair and walks with a permanent limp.  I’m honestly surprised she even lived through my years of being a toddler. I would pick her up by the neck and throw her into my baby carriage. When I got older, I always had friends over for my birthday party. Kitty would hide underneath my parent’s bed and shake while we all tried to pet her. Let’s just say, this cat has been through a lot.

Kitty is truly my best friend. While most girls my age are hanging out with their boyfriends or other friends, I have my cat. I can always count on her and she will never tell anyone my deepest darkest secrets. She is always there for me with her soothing licks and purrs of encouragement.

 

However, if you aren’t my dad or I, my cat will hate you. She is not afraid to hiss or bite any stranger that even looks at her! The only possible way of ever becoming friends with her is to give her ice cream, her favorite food.

Even though sometimes it is hard to live with such a princess, I love her. She is the best kitty I could ever ask for. So I guess you can call me a cat person, but in my eyes I am a Kitty person.

My Not-So-Secret Addiction

Okay, I give up. I admit it. I have a Facebook, Pinterest, Wanelo, Tumblr, Twitter, and MLIA addiction. I cannot go a day without these glorious apps. They make my life complete. I will never EVER be bored again. Facebook and Twitter keep me updated on what my friends are doing. Pinterest and Wanelo make me want to start planning my wedding and become rich. Finally Tumblr and MLIA let me know I’m not the only weird person in the word. What could possibly be better!

In addition to these addictions I also have an Unblock Me, Fun Run, Temple Run 2, and What’s the Word obsession. The only problem I ever encounter with these games is when my phone glitches out or dies. When playing these games all my worries go away. Nothing in the real word matters anymore.

Well…Ever since I got my new smart phone, I guess I have encountered some problems in my non-virtual life. I’ve noticed as soon as I pick-up my phone, time starts to fly! What feels like a minute, has actually been two hours. Although I’ve updated my status and beat two levels in Temple Run, I have yet to even start my school work. On Saturdays I will lay in my bed until the afternoon, because everything I need, I have in my phone. Why would I actually get up and do something productive in my life?

I know I’m not the only one who has this problem, but I do believe I am one of the few to admit to it. This problem is affecting my school work and my social life; however, I have no intention of giving up any of these social networking sites or games. The apps will remain on the home screen of my phone and I hope one day soon I will get more self control.